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Roommate Conflict Resolution Tips |
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Housing and Residence Life
Roommate Conflict Resolution TipsLiving with someone else is an art, no matter who that person is or what kind of relationship you have. When learning this art, it helps to be flexible, courteous, and respectful and communicate openly in a positive manner. You don't need to be friends with your roommate, but it helps to be friendly.
Communication is the key to avoiding and resolving roommate conflicts. Your Resident Assistant (RA) and Area Director (AD) are excellent sources of support and ideas for dealing with difficult roommate situations. If you are unclear on who to contact for help, call the Office of Housing and Residence Life at extension 6116.
If you find yourself involved in a roommate conflict, here are some tips to help you address the situation:
| • | Talk straight. Level with each other. For example: “When you do X in situation Y, I feel Z.” Be honest about your needs, thoughts, and feelings. |
| • | Validate each other's positions. Try to understand the other person's point of view, even if that view differs from your own. For example: “I can understand how you might feel that way. Your reaction makes sense.” |
| • | Negotiate. Attack problems, not each other. Come to an agreement on what the conflict is and on what a solution may be. Make a plan of action that will help you to achieve the solution. Set a future date to evaluate the situation. |
| • | Use “I” statements to own and express your thoughts and feelings. For example: “I feel left out” sounds very different from “ You never spend any time with me.” |
| • | When possible, state issues positively. Instead of detailing why you can't do what someone asks of you, state what you're willing to do. For example: “No, I can't clean up the kitchen right now, but I will do it by noon tomorrow.” |
| • | Try not to involve your neighbors or mutual friends in your conflict. This can aggravate the conflict and complicate the situation. |
| • | When an objective third party is needed, call your Resident Assistant or Area Director. Contacting the staff early can prevent the conflict from growing. |
